This morning it brings out its little tin hatchet and proposes to take the scalp of Little Tommy Wobble (him of the Big Moustache) and the Cardinal of Noble Najaf’s scalp as well -- and all that is only a preliminary warm-up, because the main target of the idiot execration turns out to be somebody else entirely. Watch Huey practicin’ in the bull pen, Mr. Bones:
| Al-Sistani, who doesn’t want jihad against the Americans for the “time being,” was, some will recall, "nominated" in print by excitable Tom Friedman, always-ready-to-declare-his-latest-enthusiasm Tom Friedman, grand-simplifier Tom Friedman, as a suitable candidate for a Nobel Prize for Peace. That neither latest, nor greatest, of a long succession of friedmanian ludicrous remarks (not too ludicrous apparently for him to continue to ask for, and receive, $45,000 per public appearance, for a collection of shallow plongitudes and endless platitudes, but so eager-beaverly presented, that some may come away complacently thinking that they have actually "learned something") was mocked here. Al-Sistani's listing of "najis" (unclean) things at his website -- you know, blood, sputum, sperm, feces, Infidels, dogs, that sort of thing -- must have gotten to Friedman somehow, for he promptly put a lid on his exploding enthusiasm for Al-Sistani, and we never heard from him again on the matter. But Al-Sistani was also deeply impressive to [Dr. Jerk]. |
Well, if there is guilt-by-association, why shouldn’t there be character-assasination-by-association as well? I take that to be Hugh the Simple’s nifty modus operandi. Tommy Wobble once praised His Eminence, and Tommy also once praised Dr. Jerk, and anybody who don’t think that is enough to ensure that the three of them will be chained to the same rock in West Hell forever is plainly unfit to talk about Kiddie Krusadin’ at all.
Those kiddies who are only IQ-challenged or ignorant, not clinically demented, cannot be expected to be very enthusiastic about anybody who works for the New York Times Company without editin’ a factional rag for Dr. Murdoch at the same time. Mr. Thomas L. Friedman must have exhausted the patience of anybody who cares about consistency in the first six weeks of his Levantine cavortings. That deadline passed about 107 years ago. Hugh the Simple, though, could not care less about consistency. He is not tempted by Prudence or Charity to take the view that the accused ought to be identified with only his most recent brainstorms. Not at all: Hugh the Simple goes through Thomas the Moustachio the same way his wingnut ideobuddies at the New Criterion go through the Publications of the Modern Language Association, on a snark hunt for This Month’s Worst Rubbish Ever. And once found, that becomes the true essence of Friedmanicity, or PMLA-think, ever after -- unless, of course, next month should provide some fresh rubbish even rubbishier still, and therefore better reflective sub specie aeternitatis of What Liberal Twerps Really Think.
In short, Hugh the Simple wants to nail its opponents down to the worst mistake or mistakes that they ever made and pay no attention to anythin’ else about ’em. That is exactly how it conducts its pseudo-prosecution of the jihád fiends, and if Mr. Friedman of the New York Times expects different and better treatment, why let him get rid of that terroristical facial hair of his first! (‘Alí Cardinal Sístání could do with a shave also, come to think of it.) Dr. Jerk, the real target of today’s Fitzguèrrierian tripe and baloney, wears beard and moustache both, so perhaps he is indeed located at the heart of darkness! When I get tired of mocking mental cripples, maybe I will see if I can find a mug shot of Dr. Jerk.
Having myself drawn a parallel with the behaviour of Kramer Major, I can not claim that Hugh the Simple invented its M. O. as thus exhibited. Less unintelligent zealots for Boy and Party and Ideology invented the "This Month’s Worst Rubbish Ever" shtyk long before it showed up. Nevertheless TMWRE does give a different impression when little Huey deploys it. The main difference seems to be that Hugh the Simple’s notions of the worst ever are, as we have noticed already, idiosyncratic. Very few of the other Kiddie Krusaders will consider Mr. Friedman’s unfinest hour to have been shoehorning Cardinal as-Sístání and the Nobel Peace Prize into the same sentence. Needless to say, Wingnut City and Rio Limbaugh will never approve of rewardin’ any towelhead whatsoever with a distinction that plainly ought to be reserved for those whom Dr. Ratzinger (or whoever is in charge) has pronounced worthy representatives of Western Sieve. Still, even though His Eminence of Noble Najaf should not make even the long list in Scandinavia, His Eminence of Noble Najaf is not a positively bad guy. Or at any rate, H.E. of N.N. was not positively a bad guy before he recently started putting out rescripts against feeding operatives of militant Republican Party extremism when they are hungry in practice, or justifying muqáwama wataniyya with quibbles of scholastic theory. [1]
Little Huey’s detailed shtyk deployment for this specific skirmish may perplex its marks and dupes at Rio Limbaugh a little bit. It writes "Al-Sistani, who doesn’t want jihad against the Americans for the ‘time being’ ...." It might, by the way, have taken that take straight from Juan the Wicked. Regardless of whether thee and I agree with our personal favourite jihád careerist -- or with Don Júan either, for that matter -- we know what it is goin’ on about with its Time Bein’ riff. At Wingnut City and Rio Limbaugh, however, does the average mark or dupe know what we and it know? Murdochnews &c. have not chosen to talk to the holy Homeland at large about the Cardinal’s recent pro-hunger and anti-neoliberation fatáwae, whether real or spurious or imaginary altogether. Unless I have missed something, Sherlock Holmes himself could hardly detect from the columns of Aunt Nitsy that His Eminence of Noble Najaf may have been up to something remarkable in the last week or so.
Hugh the Simple behaves curiously: it assumes that its intended marks and its actual dupes will recognise the sound of the Time Bein’ Jazz -- for why mention that noise at all if they will not? -- yet it does not make pro-hunger and anti-neoliberation counts the gravemen of its indictment of ‘Alí Cardinal Sístání. Perhaps these fresh and more intolerable outrages will be promoted to "This Month’s Worst Rubbish Ever" by the end of June, but as of 28 May, His Eminence’s TMWRE remains "you know, blood, sputum, sperm, feces, Infidels, dogs, that sort of thing" -- for purposes of communication with the Big Management Party base and vile, in any event.
A suggester might suggest that Hugh the Simple considers najása an indispensable bridge between badmouthin’ the Cardinal of Najaf and badmouthin’ Mr. Thomas L. Friedman of the New York Times Company. She, the suggester, thereby grossly overrates its intelligence. Both of these fiends bein’ fort mauvais in general, plus of course Middle-East associated, would be quite enough for little Huey to be gettin’ on with. And when we eventually do arrive at the badmouthin’ of Dr. Jerk, najása is nowhere to be seen.
Because the badmouthin’ of Dr. Jerk has only metalogical Fitzguerrièrian connections with either the Rev. Sístání or Mr. Friedman, we may as well discuss it in a separate post.
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[1] The actual existence of these alleged responsa jurisprudentialia has not yet been established to my own complete satisfaction, Mr. Bones. As for Rio Limbaugh, I am not sure that anybody there has even heard of the allegations. And God knows best.
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