However, the cleverness of heretics in their abominable errors is one of the great gifts of Father Zeus, as we learned from Gloomy Gus of Hippo. So here is an improbable account of Mme. Putin according to which she has been foisted on the guileless Commanderissimo by hands dark and drippin’ with rock oil:
| Perhaps the most brilliant part of putting Palin on the Republican ticket is that her milkshake brings the oil-hungry wing of the GOP to the yard. The Republicans have been dead set on drilling in Alaska for the last decade. Conservatives decry the use of alternative fuel sources, pushing the theory that to achieve energy independence we must start drilling on American soil. McCain has touted his record in support for alternative energy sources, but the addition of Palin and her obnoxious eagerness to drill in her home state makes this stance a wash. Or as D puts it, "She puts the lie to McCain’s support for alternative and renewable energy. Palin got a gas pipeline deal — which everyone knew would happen one way or another — but hasn’t departed from the Alaskan motif of sucking everything from the ground before the communists come to snatch our guns away and turn the entire state into a park. She’ll be a boon to the Drill Now/Drink America’[s] Milkshake sloganeering that McCain will continue to push until November." And interestingly enough, Palin is quite literally in bed with Big Oil — her husband Todd Palin is a long-time employee of BP. |
I am not sure who ‘D’ is, but then, who is ‘Lauren’ that she should cite ‘D’? Still, it is plain that we must be treading e-water somewhere out in the portside reaches of the Gulph of Pheminism. Critters like S. Putin must be especially obnoxious to Ds and Laurens the same way Neocomrade Justice C. Thomas is obnoxious to the card-carrying civil righteous: not only are such ratfinks opposed to everything The Movement advocates, a single glance at them reveals that they zoölogically ought to be FOR everything! Pretty shockin’, innit, Mr. Bones? "O God, O Montreal! Will treachery stop at nothing?"
Myself, I am formally on the wrong side of the barricades as conceived by ‘D’ and by ‘Lauren’: a slight twinge of indignation and contempt occurs whenever the Professional Friends of Paddy™ guess my theology wrong on the basis of my surname. "How can anybody with four consonants in a row be a [exp. del.] Prod, begorrah?" [1] Still, C. Thomas and S. Putin (sp?) are even worse off than I, whom the mere sight of can not instantly reveal as Hibernistically incorrect. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names are not zöologically based!
On the other hand, the sudden ascent of Neocomradess S. Putin genuinely raises a Neocomrade C. Thomas problem -- though perhaps one might more politely speak of CTS, the "Clarence Thomas Syndrome" exhibited by the Party of Grant. Mr. Justice Thomas owe a great deal of the contempt that he receives to his zoölogy, no doubt about it. But at the same time, without that same zoölogy, the neocomrade would never have come to sit as high as he sits, high enough to pass judgment on Scarsdale and Kankakee, if not Ormus and Ind. [2] In a lot of ways, it is a stiff challenge to feel sorrow for Neocomrade Justice C. Thomas. Fortunately one need not worry about one’s defect of sympathy too much when the critter is as aggressively sorry for itself as C. Thomas is. Indeed, C. Thomas rather overshoots the mark, does he not? I admit that "Life is unfair," but even so it does seem a bit steep at times that this one specimen should be permitted to have both its plum prize job AND all the wrath and self-sorrowin’ that would have been appropriate had the plum been snatched away from it.
Thee ought to reflect, perhaps, Mr. Bones, that Neocomrade C. Thomas is indeed "this one specimen," i.e., only a single isolated specimen. The nature of what it specifies is such that if there were many more of it, there would not be any of it at all. Should the holy Homeland ever reach a point where the pigmentation of C. Thomas is distributed amongst extremist Republicans and Federal judges much as it is distributed amongst Homelanders at large, the Clarentianity of Clarence would not exist any more. It could not exist.
To put the matter in Lord Mammon’s neojargon for the convenience of Wingnut City and Rio Limbaugh, the "Look, Ma, it’s black!" product comes with a datestamp on it. There was a time when such a product as C. Thomas was utterly unmarketable. There will be a time when it will be useless to market the product the way that C. Thomas was marketed. We happen to find ourselves in the one brief shinin’ (?) moment in between, in the happy days of 1948-2047. [3]
Which brings us to "Look, Ma, it’s got breasts!"
Possibly that one ought to be addressed to Pa instead? Anyway, Party Neocomradess S. Putin of Alaska undoubtably advances into the arena breast-equipped, a fact that may be expected to overshadow all else in the calculations of Movement pheminists. How can the critter’s views be so at odds with its anatomy? [4]
As thee has seen, Mr. Bones, ‘D’ and ‘Laura’ conjecture that the critter in question has become a traitor to its gender by sellin’ itself out to BIG OIL. That thesis is improbable enough in itself without the ladies having juvenile or even cartoonic notions of what BIG OIL is. "Quite literally in bed with Big Oil — her husband Todd Palin is a long-time employee of BP" ought to make Dr. Marx do a revolution in his grave, for Pete’s sake! Serious analysts might disagree about whether Citizen Todd is to be classified as nanoöil or only microöil; nobody serious would rate him any BIGGER. One can never tell what the Invisible Hand cultists and private-sectorians are up to behind their closed doors in their gated communities , of course, so I suppose it is not absolutely out of the question that British Petroleum has in fact bought the Governess of Alaska lock, stock and barrel. But if so, Citizen Todd will most assuredly not be receivin’ any finder’s fees on the meretricious transaction.
‘Laura’ would be ten times as meritorious if only she were kidding, but unfortunately she ain’t -- a common plight, one that happens every day. "What went wrong?," asks jestin’ Bernie. Not an easy question! Why should any rational creature suppose the Commanderissimo of AEI and GOP and EIB to be Alaskocentric in the requisite sense, in the sense of "the Alaskan motif of sucking everything from the ground before the communists come to snatch our guns away and turn the entire state into a park"?
Herr Prof. Dr. Lewis of Princeton and Kennebunkport-Crawford need not stay for a full proper answer, though we may speed him on his way with the hasty suggestion that ‘D’ and ‘Laura’ and Movement Pheminism more broadly detest Neorabbi Bernie’s own Boy and Dynasty and Party and Ideology so intensely that they lose all sense of measure every time militant extremist Republicanism is so much as mentioned. They detest l’infâme so heartily that they can't see it straight. They throw everything they have at the AEI-GOP-EIB Complex polemically, including the kitchen sink, with the unfortunate result that many of their accusations and indictments contradict one another and thus self-destruct in the eyes of Lady Logic. She, however, is not the target audience of Movement Pheminism, and never has been. Lady Logic was long since unmasked as an honourary or virtual male, after all. Everybody knows that.
And as I said at the outset, J. Sidney’s anointment of Governess S. Putin was bound to seem specially outrageous to that particular section of the heimatländisch peanut gallery. I daresay the Commanderissimo was not deliberately aimin’ to annoy Movement Pheminists. Most likely he never thought of them at all, or else thought of them only to decide they are (1) unreachable by any conceivable Party of Atwater campaign, and (2) so few in numbers and weak in influence that (1) can be borne with equanimity. BGKB.
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By the way, Mr. Bones, doesn’t thee think that "Drain America First!" -- which we heard years ago, probably back in good Jimmy Crater’s golden days -- is a much punchier version of the bon mot against BIGOIL that these angry ladies stumble towards?
___
[1] A dozen centuries of brute Sassenach aggression and contemptible betrayal on ‘our’ side -- that’s how! But let us talk about the Free State of Eerie some other day, please.
[2] P. L. II:2.
[3] My proposed use-by date was chosen to make a round McCain-like century and is subject to change without notice, naturally. Mr. Mark Penn did, though, just the other day advise Senatrix Rodham-Clinton of New York to "Save it for 2050!" -- ‘it’ being essentially our own present idea of an America in which Clarentianity would not be viable as a marketin’ strategy:
| Penn also left no doubt about where he stood on the question of a positive versus negative strategy. He made the rather astonishing suggestion to target Obama’s “lack of American roots”: "All of these articles about his boyhood in Indonesia and his life in Hawaii are geared towards showing his background is diverse, multicultural and putting that in a new light. "Save it for 2050. "It also exposes a very strong weakness for him—his roots to basic American values and culture are at best limited. I cannot imagine America electing a president during a time of war who is not at his center fundamentally American in his thinking and in his values. He told the people of NH yesterday he has a Kansas accent because his mother was from there. His mother lived in many states as far as we can tell—but this is an example of the nonsense he uses to cover this up." [&c. &c.] |
I find that passage worth requotation even on so flimsy pretext as that Mr. Penn and I (and the demographers) expect the holy Homeland to be significantly different for political purposes forty years from now, but not necessarily much different in four years or fourteen.
To return from my detour or epicycle: without special temporary marketing conditions, the C. Thomas product itself would presumably not have made it past the Senate. Presumably it would not have been offered to the Senate for sale in the first place. Yet there have been a number of paleface critters no more distinguished in themselves that have managed to clamber up and sit down with the Supremes. Perhaps one should not be too sure that eliminating the Big Management Party’s abuses would by itself produce a pure meritocracy. And God knows best!
[4] Search me, Mr. Bones, I sure dunno the answer to that one! True, not being a Movement pheminist, I do not find that the most exciting or interesting question one might ask about Governess Putin.
Senatrix Rodham-Clinton sufficiently accounts for Mme. Putin, or rather, the Party of Grant’s vice-presidential nominee, not bein’ otherwise identical but of the male persuasion. Had the Commanderissimo chosen to anoint M. Putin instead of his wife, one could only speculate that he had either definitively arrived at the bosom of Dr. Altzheimer or else was subtly spoofin’ the late Buckley Minor’s notorious anti-Harvard proposal to be governed by "The first two hundred names in the Manhattan telephone directory."
A bit to my surprise, General Lord George Will has written our now nine-days'-wonder up from that angle: "Look, Ma, it’s got breasts!" cuts no ice at all with His Lordship. The headline editor at Newsweek even goes so far as to solemnly remind his corporation’s customers that General Washington and (the elder) Mr. Adams of Massachusetts were lactically challenged also: "Heepism vs. Elitism / Voters today demand empathy from candidates in a way that voters never did from austere George Washington or crusty John Adams."
But possibly the chief end of that exuberance was to recommend General Lord George’s own supposed austerity and crustiness? Something like this:
| Q. "What kind of a curmudgeon have we here, that doesn’t give a hoot whether it has breasts or not?" A. "Hush, brother, that’s no curmudgeon, that is a card-carryin’ Friend of Eddie Burke™. Try to show some respect!" |
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