| Haaretz reported Georgian Minister Temur Yakobashvili -- who is Jewish, the newspaper said -- told Israeli army radio that "Israel should be proud of its military which trained Georgian soldiers" because he explained RATHER IMPLAUSIBLY, "a small group of our soldiers were able to wipe out an entire Russian military division, thanks to Israeli training." |
How many (military) divisions has the Pope wiped out, I wonder? Also, how many divisions of some other sort? (WHAT other sort, by the way?)
But seriously, M. le Baron is already deep in the murk of factious self-rhetoric before my intended other hand is even mentioned. Obviously he thinks Neocomrade T. Yakobashvili is just makin’ that baloney up out of whole cloth [1] so as to encourage his fellow chauvinizers. But M. le Baron’s own chauvinisme is close enough to it that he can be employed by the Christokorean Master of Moonbats. Accordingly, His Excellency is let down very lightly indeed.
I don’t know about thee, Mr. Bones, but if I belonged to this neocomrade’s coven and undertook to do their self-rhetoricizin’ in this case, I should attempt to find some way to praise T. Yakobashvili along the lines of Si non è vero, e ben trovato. Furthermore, M. le Baron should either have discussed His Excellency’s nonsense at greater length, with much more camouflage and persiflage to distract the customer’s thoughts from the sheer counterfactuality of it, or else abandoned it entirely to future historians of agitprop and organised violence.
Considered as an anecdote for inclusion in The Memoirs of Rabbi Ben Trovato, the baloney of T. Yakobashvili might have been commended, to a customership suitably predisposed, as lofty, idealistic Dichtung rather than pedestrian Wahrheit. No doubt "Israeli training" does not really deserve the vote of thanks proposed, but do thee not wish that it did, Mr. Bones? More exactly, would thee not wish that it so deserved, if thee chauvinised antecedently with His Excellency and M. le Baron and the Master of Moonbats? [2]
And now, without further ado, here is the Other Hand:
| Neither U.S. nor Georgian intelligence knew Russian forces were ready with an immediate and massive response to the Georgian attack Moscow knew was coming. Russian double agents ostensibly working for Georgia MOST PROBABLY egged on the military fantasies of the impetuous Saakashvili's "surprise attack" plans. |
So, then, listen up, O Bones! When thee desires that customers should actually swallow thee’s baloney, say "Most probably" and eschew "rather implausibly." Assuming that the so-called ‘objective’ probability is much the same in both cases, that is. [3]
At this point Neocomrade A. de Borchgrave displays an additional excellence of self-rhetoric that ought to be a lesson for every apprentice. Mark ‘fantasies’ and ‘impetuous’ in the sentence immediately after the baloney that he wants swallowed. The unwary customer is bound to notice that her neoconman seems to be carefully attemptin’ to be what Rio Limbaugh would call "fair and balanced." "Look, Ma, he just conceded to the former Real World [4] that even M. de Saakashvili may not be PERFECTLY perfect!" It is so patently the case that Mister Impetuous of 2008 is egg-on-able, that poor Ms. Customer is only to likely to credit the ‘fact’ that certain treacherous ratfinks bought with Muscovite gold actually on-egged him.
Lady Logic and a few other unpleasantly pedantic high-and-drys would insist at this point that M. le Baron really ought to grow up and stop insinuatin’ and start presentin’ some evidence for a change. Fortunately such persons are rare. Even better, when Ms. Customer does encounter them, she usually finds them non muy simpáticos. [5]
Their spinster outdoes himself in this passage, Mr. Bones. ‘Fantasies’ and ‘impetuous’ perform two quite distinct functions simultaneously. In addition to coverin’ for his seemingly gratuitous imputation of treason, they cover up what might have been an embarrassin’ admision in the sentence before the baloney: "Neither U.S. nor Georgian intelligence knew . . . ." (!!) Naturally the incompetence of the joint spook community neither caused nor resulted from the fantasizin’ of Mister Impetuous, not in the former Real World, it didn’t. But once M. le Baron has razzledazzled her, poor Ms. Customer is not at all likely to notice that. Should it occur to her, well, who knows what would happen? Maybe she’d just decide that the spooks of Saakashvilistán must be only more treacherous ratfinks, just like its Poloniuses. [6]
A really severe critic might wonder why M. le Baron made the admission at all. Whether it is required for his over-all agitprop campaign is questionable. Indeed, one may question exactly what his agitprop campaign is aimed at, over-all. Perhaps the (figurative) bottom line is this one?
| Iran comes out ahead in the wake of the Georgian crisis. |
Or perhaps not. The neocomrade’s literal bottom line -- about Muscovy having rejoined the Great Game -- is a journalistic commonplace scarcely worth twistifyin’ about.
Possibly M. le Baron de Borchgrave is a Harry Houdini wannabe? To tie oneself up in unnecessary knots in order to have an opportunity to exhibit one’s virtuosity in escapin’ from them makes sense at a certain level, after all, even if that is not a level likely to appeal to the Master of Moonbats or to the Party of Big Management.
A simpler hypothesis would be that M. le Baron has not managed the whole climb up from the gutter of Hearst onto the lofty and windswept Plateau of Goebbels. That is to say, the absence of any particular bottom line and a certain scattershot air to the whole performance could be due to an unwillingness to abandon journalism and take to agitation and propaganda without stint or limit. The same thesis can be expressed after the fashion of Neocomradess M. E. Noonan ,
| "The most qualified"? No! I think they went for this -- excuse me-- political bullshit about narratives. |
Bein’ older and possibly a bit more aristo than Miss Piggy, Neocomrade A. de Borchgrave cannot abandon his mind to ‘narratives’ altogether; he still hankers after mere obsolete ‘stories’ of a lowly Journalism College type. That guess saves the appearances nicely, as it seems to this keyboard.
But God knows best what M. le Baron is really up to!
___
[1] I know, I know! But since they won’t let us into the Wingnut City sausage factory to watch them makin’ their product, sir, how can anybody know for sure that cloth is NOT an ingredient of W.C. baloney?
[2] Thee are to be careful hereabouts, sir, lest thee say anything that might be maliciously construed as ‘racist’. Thee ought to make clear that the special excellence of Telavívestání trainin’ does not result from either (1) DNA or (2) religionism. Probably nobody will ever ask thee "What, in that case, does the excellence of Televívestání trainin’ result from?"
Should worst come to worst, however, thee can probably manage to escape further impertinence with the proverb "Necessity is the mother of invention." That does not in fact dispose of the difficulty, for why should Hyperzionistical necessity be more inventive than undiluted Georgian or Caucasian necessity? If the impertinence persists, thee has at least managed to frame it in such a way that the thee can bullshit about the unique history of Hyperzionism asn opposed to the -- let’s face it! -- nonunique history of everybody else until the cows come home or the sun goes supernova, whichever happens first.
[3] About .0003426 in our specimen cases.
[4] Cf. The Gospel Accordin’ to K. Rove.
[5] Perhaps Ms. Customer is worried that pedantic logical high-and-drys would even cross-examine authentic Real People® like, for example, herself, or Governess S. Putin (sp?) of Alaska, or former Governor S. Agnew of Maryland. As probably the high-and-drys would if they could.
However, "The innocent have nothin’ to fear," in the sense that the poor gal is perfectly safe as long as she sticks to the Demand Side and does not start marketing any original facts and factoids, or homebrew theories of human events of her own concoction.
[6] Unless she be a card-carryin’ member of the militant extremist GOP base and vile, Ms. Customer is not likely to attribute the failures of holy Homeland spooks, as opposed to exotic Georgian spooks, to infiltratin’ ratfinks. We have already receded very far from what the lady is in practice likely to remark, though, and to go yet another extra mile in that directions risks getting ridiculous. Nevertheless, it is easy enough to imagine Ms. Customer taking the line that knowing about a distant and no-’count place like the Vaterland of M. de Saakashvili is primarily the responsibility of natives and locals: de minimis non curat Langleius, as it were.
M. le Baron does not mention the Telavívestání mukhábarát at all, an omission of significance, no doubt, though thee will not catch ME trying to explain what it is significant of, Mr. Bones!
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