Freedom Means Peace. Plus Now Integrity and Stability Too!

Though bold, these claims are sound, Mr. Bones, and I'm sure the vendors will be glad to give you double your investment back should you be dissatisfied with any of their fine products even in the slightest. But ...

... but you must keep in mind that laboratory studies have conclusively shown that only genuine Willful Coalition Freedom® can perform the new and more advanced tricks reliably.[1] So whenever you require an aggression, whether an invasion or a semiconquest or an occupation, always insist on the best, sir: don't ever let your violence professional fob some inferior substitute off on you!

Do not be deceived by labels and packaging. For example, the product



shown here may look like the real Shockin'-'n'-Awesome thing, but in fact it is revealed in the fine print to be no more than a cheap Oriental rip-off:

'The Turkish Armed Forces, which values Iraq's territorial integrity and its stability, will return as soon as planned goals are achieved,'' the military said. ''The executed operation will prevent the region from being a permanent and safe base for the terrorists and will contribute to Iraq's stability and internal peace.''

(( Full disclosure: in this particular case, application of the greasy kid stuff won't actually matter, because the former Iraq has already been integrated and stabilized and pacified almost beyond perfection, as everybody outside Ankara and Ann Arbour and the Democratic Party understands well enough. Three cheers for Dr. Gen. Petraeus and Party Proconsul Crockerius! ))

Happy days.

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[1] Willful Coalition Freedom® is manufactured by a consortium consisting principally of the American Enterprise Institute, the Grand Old Party, and the War Department of the United States of America, otherwise "AEI/GOP/DOD" or "Wunnerful US."